Surfacing

Do you ever wake up with the feeling that maybe you've learnt something new and that this new concept will help you through the day?

Or that you feel useful, loved, and full of purpose? Isn't it a beautiful thing?

It's almost like treading water. You never really know how well you are going to do it until you try. Once you do, you can learn to swim. You can do something new.

Hope

Tonight I saw the snow sparkle. I peeked out my window with a heavy heart and was pleasantly met with small twinkling crystals winking back at me. For a split second my heart cried out in freedom with the hope that maybe things hadn't changed. That maybe I should take the best of each moment like the twinkling crystals do as they keep each other company. That just maybe my memories will keep me company this night.

A Blank Page

A best friend to those someone who can't truly reveal themselves with the words that they speak; but can explore their emotions between each faint line. Don't underestimate those you can't always hear, they may be contemplating things which our hearts haven't endured.

Choices

In this moment, I wish that my heart would speak up. It seems to be dangling from three different ropes that each pull and strain me. It seems like I'm ready to decide and remove my heart from the puppeteers leash, but then I change my mind. One day, I will decide and the ropes will be cut.

Swimming with the Dolphins

I'm swirling in the crystal waters with my hands wrapped around the fin of my dolphin. We are enjoying the swim and I pull one of my hands away from the tight grasp I was holding on with. My hand runs through the ribbons of the water and I shiver. My dolphin cooes and we submerge oursleves into the crystals. I take my hands off her fin and wrap them around her neck as we fly deeper and deeper into the water. My breath is full and I don't have a care in the world as I watch fish and small creatures swim by. She climbs deeper and deeper and I feel a cramp in my chest. I can no longer see as well and the water is making me feel beavier as it flushes me down. I have hardly enouigh breath to last and I begin to push and pull my dolphin. She doesn't understand me... I become blanc; I feel my body start to float. I feel her jabbing into me but it's too late. I'm floating...

Lonely Eyes

When that single teardrop falls from her eyes,
She seems to hide without disguise,
In a world of people who live on lies;
And never stop to consider why.

When here eye is a window to see into,
And you can clearly see the pain she went through,
You might ignore all her need like you don't have a clue;
'Cuz you never quite know until you've been through it too.

When the sea in her eyes is waving and crashing,
And the emotions inside are endlessly thrashing,
She is waiting for something that may never end up leaving;
But will fly on above her and taunt her as she's dreaming.

Each pair of eyes you happen to see,
Hold secrets inside them that might not always be,
Something that identifies with you and me;
But love and care should set them free.

Serene

The peacefulness of a moment, the remembrance of a time far gone. A want to explore a time that I will never get to know. The thought of a time when originality, true festivities, and respect was at the top. When I feel like the world is waiting to challenge me and I can breathe in the peace; I need to conquer it all.

A feeling and a place that is endlessly hidden, except to those who carefully seek it out and claim it for themselves.

A Feeling

I have this feeling that keeps growing inside me. It's flowery petals individually envelop me as I fall deeper and deeper into the blossom. My skin feels the smooth and waxy textures of the flower on my toes as I hide myself within it. I peek beyond the filmy panels and blink unknowingly to the world.

Remember Me

When you see a red flower blowing in the wind,
A field full of emptiness and space,
A man who's eyes are full of a story;
Or a loving and peaceful embrace,
Remember Me.

One a cold snowy night full of laughter,
When two people stand and fight,
When you hear of a brave and young soldier;
Who willingly gave up his life,
Remember Me.







When the month of November comes along,
And you give up some time to remember,
When the moment of silence is pointless or annoying;
Or the ceremony seems never-ending,
Remember Me.

I can no longer speak for myself,
But I spoke for you before you even could,
So don't erase my existence from your life;
Don't forget my service as others would,
Remember Me.

Conflicted

Conflicted; a feeling of seperation. A feeling of longing for something that is just out of your reach. The list of your abilties is blotted with the sour juices of regret orf unuse. you want to pick a word off of the list and use each letter until they become shards opf dust that are good for nothign more than the garbage. But wouldn't that be better than leaving them to rot?

Thoughts

A colour not yet discovered, should't be forgotten in the crayon package.

A tree not yet planted still gives us a chance to breath.

Words without an explanation can still mean something.

Love without commitment can cause more hurt than not loving at all.

Most of the special things in life are felt; but never touched.

Affection grows when the change to routine is made.

A world full of strangers, still has room for friendship.

The Race

I can see their expectant faces. Each pair of glittering eyes encourages me to believe, to hope, and to drive. I pull my helmet over my face and relax into my seat. I watch the flag bob once, twice, and I'm off! As my foot hits the accelerator I feel the energy of my fans transfer through me, giving me hope. I smile and think of the many things I can work on and improve. But as I turn the corner, I see pieces of glass being thrown at my wheels. My mind blanks and my body refuses. I manage to bring my hands to the wheel to control it, but I let my hands slide. The chance to fix my slip had come and I just let it creep away. I rip my name off of the place on my jumpsuit. I don't deserve my title.

I Am Me.

What am I? A shell of a person that can be formed how you wish...or someone without shape that you can mold to your own wishes? No! I am a sturdy shell filled with hopes, dreams, and plans for my life. A contorted shape becoming something unusually new every day. Yes, a piece of art being molded and modeled, reformed and broken. But the pieces inside of my heart never change. They are never broken up and reformed. They all clump together without the chance to sift through each other and eliminate those lost.

I am me. Nothing more and much less... a normal person.

A dreamer and a wisher.

Added to "If" By Rudyard Kipling

If you can enjoy the changing colour of life and each season,
Without ever stopping to ask yourself why,
If you can treasure each moment without having a reason,
You will be full with a passion to try,
If you can enjoy life without becoming lazy,
And you can accept things as they were created,
You will keep your mind clear and out of that hazy
Tunnel that you retreat to when you're bruised and truly berated.

A Random Piece Of Time

I know this is just a stupid rhym,
But It really won't take that much of your time,
So please just read it and take it all in,
It just might be funny and make you curl up your chin.

I just ate so many Nerds I think I"ll explode,
And I don't think that I want to buy anymore,
But thats really okay because I will just try,
To eat more veggies and keep my body alive.

I don't know why I said that, you probably think I'm nuts,
But really Im just a bit of a cluts,
This will really be random so don't judge me by this,
I just wanted to write and this is what I came up with.

I'm in a bit of a funny mood I really must say,
Kinda bubbly and giddy all of a sudden today,
And Im thinking of you while I sit here and write,
Which makes me feel even better I find.

I don't even have school tomorrow I get to be here,
But I'm all on track so I don't have to fear,
I get to relax and i might read my book,
I finally get to do something that doesn't involve work.

So the point of all this was to maybe make you laugh,
And think about the clever girlfriend you have,
So you don't think I just sit around and ponder,
But I come up with things that maybe make people wonder.

I also was wondering if you wanted to see me,
And maybe come over later this evening,
Even if your with James or busy tonight,
It would be ok to come later; that's alright.

I was thinking you could stay and then leave for work,
There might even be goodies or a few little perks,
I don't need to go to bed until later tonight,
So you would still have lots of time to spend how you like!

I just thought of you and how much I miss our little things we did late,
How we used to goof off while washing dishes and plates,
All the times we would stay up and make soup,
And how much I just really love you.

So if you wanted to come I could probably make,
All the soup that you want and we could wash lots of plates,
So just let me know if you wanted to be with me,
And if you were maybe a tiny bit free.

Remembering

Why do people always want to forget? Why do we have to let things go? Can't we just keep all of those memories within us for the times we will need them. Trust me, there will be a time when all you will want to do is curl up in a blanket and remember. Even if it takes all of your courage and a whole lot of bravery, you will bring the boxes of your memories out from the closet. You will dust them off and read through the contents.

You will smile and you might even cry. But remembering is worth more than letting it all go.


Isn't it?

Running

I want to run. When I look at my feet, I see them trying their hardest to keep me going. But as soon as I lift my eyes, the sidewalk ahead of me never ends. The grey lines stretch on and on making my eyes dizzy as I try to count them. The windows and the halls are squishing in on me too. Every time I take a step, I feel them press towards me. This time I just can't push them away. My strength just isn't enough for things like that today. What I really need today is the warm sun on my face while I lie under the cool dark trees and share their secrets.

Harmony

When people of all kinds, all emotions, and all differences come together to enjoy and rejoice in the beauty of life. All of God's creations join together to paint a beautiful picture of life and love. The young play together in their different worlds of imagination, and the old come together to free themselves of their age; one last time. The confused mighe come for answers, and the adults, for peace.

And then theres me... someone who comes for relaxation, fulfilment, and peace. To feel the prescence of God fill my heart and mind. To step away from the worries of everyday life and to see creation as one. To enjoy the simplicity of the water crashing against the shore and to see the golden diamonds of the sun that break away from their mother and dance on the water. The gentle rocking of the waves as they cradle the gulls and push them farther and farther into the sea.

I hope today, that God is looking in on this scene and smiling at the beauty of this picture He has created.

Decisions

What is a decision? Maybe it's a choice. Maybe it's an opportunity. An opportunity to change or explore. A chance to fly and soar above the clouds of reason and repetitive action. To watch yourself as you fly above the things you overcame and the things you let go.

Or maybe it's a decision that can make things worse. It's a choice that takes you down farther than you've ever been. Maybe it's a change too. Change can make you decide. A decision can make you change. They are interlocked; brothers. Working together to shape you and mold your future.

But in the end, it's you that is the decision and the change. You are affected and you become the artist. You take hold of the opportunities and make them work. You take the change and make it positive. You take the choices and make a decision.

God Our Father

They leave us and come back to us. God gives and takes away. But sometimes what He takes will come back to us 100 times better. He is the author of life and our father. God ahead, trust Him. He will never leave you. :)

~Water~

Droplets that clean,
The moisture that melts us,
Each cleansing stream; water.

The feeling of liberty,
A freezing sensation,
We are trapped and swirling; water.

We are trapped and reaching,
I want to breathe,
My toes are almost blue; water.

Bobbing above the surface,
The crystals that swirl around us,
That feeling of peace; water.

We are suspended and floating,
Our bodies are weightless,
And each worry and stress floats away; water.

The Box

It's dark inside of here. The lid is taped shut and I cant seem to punch through the fibers of the box no matter how had I try. There are three tiny holes that let light into the box, but they aren't big enough for me to see anything. They only allow me to see the sunlight that I am craving and living for. I try to wiggle a little bit, but whenever I do the box just edges closer and closer to the ledge. I stop wiggling. There is enough room for me to stretch out my legs and arms and to feel comfortable, yet I just don't feel like I can enjoy it in here. I can hear voices coming through the holes but never enough to make connection. Never enough to understand what they want. Maybe I'm just stuck...

The Prize Not the Pain

The rope is burning my hands. As I slowly gain inch by inch of the rope, my hand continues to burn and blister. One more tug, two, three. I start to feel like the blisters are only a small price to pay for the treasure I am luring in. Still though, I feel the swelling and bleeding that slowly starts to take my mind from my work. No, I tell myself. Nothing should get in the way of this for me, nothing will stop me from reaching the finish line.
I slowly start to tug with more ferocity knowing that one day I will be grateful that I continued. The blisters burn and bleed but I ignore them now. I can see the gem sparkling in the sunlight as I make the final heave and pull it from the well. My face shows tired lines of age and my body starts to weaken. But none of that matters to me now. The rope tightened as I pulled the most beautiful diamond out from inside the dark well.

Layers

You are You. No one can define you or try to judge you and get the proper result. People that sand before you only break down the pieces of you that they see; that you give them. They can pick at it, tear at it, peel it apart, but the will never find the real you.

You" is the answer you give the wind or the conversations you have in the deep of the night.

Your heart is the treasure. The X on the map. The unprotected Jem of your thought and feelings. Once you hand it over, you've given it away. The theif will peel at you slowly; uncovering joy, hate, pain, and lve. You cringe...

The theif pulls off his hood and fils the room with immense light and wonderful glory. The theif is no robber at all, rather a tailor. He fixes up all the bruises and returns your broken layers. He hands it back and hugs you, comforts you, and fills your heart.

The New Me.

When I gazed into the crystal waters, I saw the new me. The me that had been hiding behind an open door, just waiting to emerge. The me that had be there all along but hadn't been ready to commit. The me who is so much happier.

When I stared at the mountains and the trees I saw the me that was more God-confident. The person who was finaly ready to hand it all over to Him and to accept the new life He had offered. The me who wasn't scared anymore.

I like this new me.......I've opened myself up to the God of the universe and have only gained, not lost. God is so amazing!

Aging

The adult mind is so consumed with image and apearance that it forgets the youthful thoughts and attitudes that it used to value and cherish. They have all been replaced with "reason" and "maturty". But if you stop and really think about it, the media has redifined the meaning of the word "reason" to the point of it not even meaning anything important. Things that are reasonable in this day and age can be disgustingly brutal an uncalled for. It is disappointing that my mind has matured and has been able to wrap its spongy arms around these concepts. When I was younger, the sunny weather or the cloudy sky was all that I was worried about.

But I guess that's one of the rainstorms of life. You lose the loves of your childhood and you gain the responsibility of the world yet that spark of your memories comes back to you every now and again. ;)

Comfort For Today

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

18Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. 19 Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. 20 He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.

~These verses were really comforting to me today. Verse 20 made me feel very confident that the Lord would keep me happy with my fuure if I continue to follow Him. :) I am in for a peaceful and content life with the Lord.

Putting Together The Pieces!

When your glass breaks, glue it back together,
When your glass is half empty, tell yourself it's half full;
When you feel like you can't take anymore, rejoice in the opportunities you've had,
And when you feel like giving up, just tell yourself your almost there.

Let People Go and Bring Yourself In!

The dependance of a person goes beyond what they think they know about themselves. Somebody might never realize how dependant they are on a certain person until they have to be seperated from them. However, this can be an essential and important part of life. If you love somebody very much, you will most likely feel very dependant of them. Make sure though, that your dependance goes beynd mere need. Make sure that love is at the very end of your dependant ladder. If you need somebody that badly you might want to step back from the ladder and see if you can climb it by yourself. This might be hard, but when you reach the top, you might realize that the person you started climbing with isn't somebody that you need in the same way after all. Maybe they can become a friend that you will visit with after the ladder is climbed. You might just find that it is much better to just go in and climb it alone...Just you, your confidence, and your Creator...

My Prayer

My prayer for today...

Please let everything with my friends just slide over.
Please help them to all realize that friends can work things out.

Help me to be the change I want to see in Kory and in my friends.
Help me to produce "the good fruit" and to be gentle and patient.
Help me to wait...

Please comfort the family with the moving situation.
Please bless Dad with peace and the ability to make a decison.

Please help Kory and I to work things out and get along.
Help me to be patient and willing to listen to him and what he wants in the relationship.

Help me to be cheerful at work and to realize the gifts that I have.
Let my attitude be cheerful at home, work, and school and help me to focus.

I want to improve....

Good Morning World!

Goodmorning world!

I'm ready for the challenge today! I feel like my heart is an open window that is drinking in the beautiful sunlight that we call life. Not everyday can be full of pleasure, but my heart is ready to start filtering out all the dust and sand to be left with the beautiful pearl.

I want to become somebody that enjoys those small moments. Someone who can be known for their happy personality and constant strength. I am so blessed to still have my wonderful gift. I need to enjoy each day as it comes.

Stargirl's Time Poem

Who Came up with minutes, anyway?

Who needs them?

Name one good thing a minute's ever done.

They shorten fun and measure misery.

Get rid of them, I say.

Down with minutes!

And while you're at it-take hours

with you too. Don't get me started

on them.

Clocks that's the problem.
Every clock is a nest of minutes and hours.

Cocks strap us into their shape.

Instead of headingfor the nearest star, all we do

is corkscrew.

Clocks lock us into minutes, make Ferris wheel

riders of us all, lug us round and round

from number to number,
dice the time of our lives into tiny bitsuntil the bits are all we know

and the only question we care to ask is

"What time is it?"

Self Confidence

Self-Confidence-realistic confidence in one's own judgment, ability, power, etc.

Realistic, is that the key word we should be focusing on here? No! Not one little bit. Realistic tells us to be confident with only what we know we can achieve. But who says we can't build confidence and grow in bravery and self contentment to a level that once seemed completely unrealistic and impossible? If we slowly add building blocks to the wall of our confidece, we will eventually be able to have realistic confidence and completely fulfil what we thought was impossible!!

Being strong and brave with yourself is hard. Take time to spend a little bit of money on yourself or to spend a bit of extra time with some of the peope that make you feel important or special. Especially regarding a relationship. Being brave and confident in your own abilities and your own self will be a huge help when you join together in a relationship with somebody. If they ever ditch you or need to take some time alone, you will need to learn to rely on yourself for all of the support that you would have received from them. Don't forget the tiny and peaceful voice that speaks to us in the stillness of the night. God wants to help you strengthen yourself and your confidence level. He wants to be he other person that you turn to when you need some time with a friend that will lawyas be there for you. :)

Character Inspiration: Stargirl

After recently reading this novel, I was very inspired. The protagonist of this story, Stargirl, was not a very popular teen. She dressed the way she wanted to and she sang with her ukelele at lunch. She brought along a table cloth and a flower vase to decorate her school desk with, and she passed out treats to all of the students in her homeroom. She was gentle and peaceful and she never wanted to hurt anybody. So why did the student body shun her and ignore her? They did this because she refused to conform and she wasn't afraid to be herself. I remind myself of Stargirl in some ways... I cheer for other teams and I dress the way I want to. I am hoping that after being inspired by this amazing character I will be able to take my admiration for this attitude into greater consideration and start to show a more relaxed and enjoyable side of myself.

My Love

Oh, my love, my darling,
I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly and time can do so much
Are you still mine I need your love, I need your love
God speed your love to me
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me
I'll be coming home, wait for me
Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered, hungered for your touch a long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly and time can do so much
Are you still mine I need your love, I, I need your love
God speed your love to me

Patience

Patience...what is it? I think that it is the grace to wait for something that you think you really need or want. Being patient requires a lot of willpower and a willing heart, but when you wait for something, it always ends up being better than if you rushed it. Good things come slowly. <3

Relaxation

I have recently decided that relaxation is something that you really have to work at. Some people might think that it's easy to just lay back and enjoy your day for what it is. But for me, that type of thing only happens now and again. I have just recently realized that in order to relax, you have to actually try. You have to plan events and activities that you enjoy and you have to just release all of your tension and allow yourself to be calm. Tell yourself that it is o.k. You are allowed to be at ease and at peace... Also, keeping your goals and dreams for life really alive gives you something to look forward to, and you can then be at peace and know that you already have a great God that knows exaclty what is going to happen to you.

Without You

When your not here I feel so dead
You are always terribly missed,
I just lay here in my frozen bed
And dream abotu your soft sweet kiss.

I think about your beautiful face
And my chest just feels so ,
My heart begins to beat and race
I just don't feel that right.

I worry about where you might be
And whether or not your alright,
If only you could be here with me
I would promise we wouldn't fight.

I realize now how precious you are
When I have to be alone,
I feel like you are oh so far
Even when I could just talk to you on the phone.

But I know I shouldnt bother you
I need to give you time,
'Cuz you need a bit of alone time too
I'm just happy that your mine.

Speaking To You

I love it when it is very clear that Jesus is speaking to you. This morning I was feeling a little mad at some people who seem to misunderstand me. I felt like I needed a random touch of encouragement. I typed "Bible Verses" into the search and got this verse.

" I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
1 Corinthians 1:10"

I think that God wants me to stop being angry with others about my school work, and to rather be more understanding of their point of view and to humbly tell them my opinion.